you’ve now seen me at my worst
manifesting a boyfriend
on your sweet level
uninterested, humble, scared of sex, assured in being alone, attracted to loss
a serious sense of shame
but better then myself
it took me to run out into the island that i could look at myself in the sand
i wrote alone on a stick
and got lost on the beach
i took a tab as soon as i woke up
so bored with the sound of ocean bird and wind
the sun i could not deal with the peace
knowing that the grass would soon look less dull once i was tripping
when I’m tripping alone i started to remember the connection made by loss
the ocean made me sick am i talking to myself out loud and fearful of losing it
back and fourth where u left off last time u did this
i remember
shit
fuck
protection is hideous
i am setting out on the nile
half past 9 on the train
hoping to run into the chin ease mother and son (older)
she held his hand his thigh in a way that didn’t look like a normal motherly moment
i am sickened by god
u walk this way home
i take the turn
the piano returns my true saviour but i don’t need any of this no more
no more
to be continued…
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