december notes 2024

8th december 2024


i saw plants ferns the bush when we had sex

when i closed my eyes 



..


7th december 2024



making art in my bedroom feels like I’m being stalked 

what someone went through to make this 

analysing the self but do i think about someone else watching it 

the answer is no but if I’m scared it means u will be scared and eberyone will have their own puzzle of figuring out what it means to them and no one else. does that make senese. if u know what i mean,  i am  embarrassed for  my life. the way i walk around is cowardly. i winder on the outside  what do i look like. i know its lost. I’m distant. people tell me that i bring something to the table. i offer something new. maybe thats just my dull energy some kind of reminder of the truth of life. everything is memory. I’m not here unless I’m like on drugs. i think i should be an addict sometimes. cuz we only have one life. and I’m tired of being sad. when i take drugs i feel happy. i t feel proud of myself. i remind myself I’m stoic and should have pride. i think its okay bwing a loner i should think do u even know who i am , man! and be really angry and angrorant. i won’t feel ashamed. everything i say i regret. i think i was selfish. i I’m scared I’m being stalked. cameras around the house. hacked anatomy compuer . afraid whats going   into the room next door. well 

I’m celebrating being alive. I’m going out everyday. I’m making a movie so i can understand my life. the movie is probable;y about understanding my life but its not intentional. but i know it will be that way. well I’m a loner and I’m proud. i sleep in the bush and dream about sex. i write about sexual desire. i feel scared to let someone in. be my therapist. don’t be a child. don’t make him your dad. i stand back with my eyes closed. its possible i can do it. breathe.


..


wasting water 

in my life 

i am god 

and i shall celebrate 

my life for myself 

for my life 


WATER 

RAIN WATER ON MY BODY MY BREASTS THE WATERFALL THE OCEAN AND A DICK SLIDING CLOSE TO MY THIGH IN KIDS JOCKS RAIN WATER OUT MY MOUTH INTO THE OCEAN LOVE IS SECRET AVAILABLE AND HERE WHEN I AM HERE YOU ARE HERE


WATER 

BURY ME

WATER WILL BURY ME 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

 scene from a past dream at childcare centre today where this cop ai looking woman older child molester spy is secretly filing the child sitting alone to use to make some sinsiter evil black magic pedophelic hell and fuck u , i will protect in honour for all of us leave us alone u fucked greedy pigs
Read more

august 2023

i have been very delusional recently because i thought i was in love  my life is but a waste  .. would anyone like to drive to heyfield with me  .. i walk around the house in fear  i can’t breathe i hate living with people  i think this is the reason it is impossible for me to be close with anyone because it is impossible for me to relax unless i am off my face on drugs and even then it is still embarrassing to open up  i hate being alive and i hate living  I’m growing old and lonely but i know i have not mastered the plan yet cuz i haven’t got to rock bottom yet so then it will be clear when i get to rock bottom .. just because someone is sick and tired doesn’t mean they look like they are sick and tired most people are sick but appear to be normal by cleaning, eating well, sleeping on a bed, talking about food the second strange thing is  why do people love  love is a soulless pointless activity if you don’t understand love people become re...
Read more