febuary 2023

without my guts to make it through the day 

through and through 

journey of love 

..

underneath it all i am very sick 

unable to love 

unable to love 

unable to love

the feelings are so bleak 

..

a lost soul just lean back horrible body 

wait for my day to end in a crowd of despair, a foolish desire to be loved 

i want to be hurt to remind myself of clear and old pain 

should have been dead on a sunday morning banging my head down 

no time for mourning aint got no time 

i don’t plan to be controlled

live a life in the gutter getting happy with a desolate soul 

unbearable pain in the back of my mind 

growing up as an infant 

growing up as a lost dog 

I’m running around hitting the ground laughing 

whispery clit 

whispery clit 

to be hit to feel things 

without feeling any thing 

the dumbest eyes i have ever seen.

..

I’m done w it all ! 

masterbating in despair

out in the tent to have a walk 

disappearing into the wank 

i must get over my fear 

and touch you cuz i want to be FUCKED up the ass

why don’t u take it up the ass

..

i don’t want to have to watch myself wank 

im not ready for thT

..

learning to have a sense of self 

learning to have a punk attitude 

old woman in the truck in silence i pray for you to die 

i could offer to give more away 

i could offer to give more away 

i could offer to give more away 

i could offer to give more away 

if you’re not being used

you’re not being used

i was getting a bit schizophrenic out there 

laughing at you say, 

i have something i need to tell you 

i was getting a bit schitzophrenic out there hearing you say 

i have something i need to tell you 

shaken up

subconscious meth addict 

..

a long time ago when the sun sets the ghost moves and moves and you can’t do anything without your abuse of power 

abuse of shame 

abuse of love

abuse of guilt

abuse of man 

abuse of life

abuse of god 

abuse of life 

abuse of hope 

abuse of god

abuse of god

..

its nice that you care

..

unsure 

emergency room 

friends and family first 

the childs hope 

i don’t have anymore luck 

i love you cohen 

I’m happy 

distant friends

..

a cold and worn out heart 

how could i ever live when it feels like i am dying 

to make up for the past, i have to be honest or else i won’t live 

survive storm 

to give

the paw bachelor meal 

her bandages on the dirt 

a dirty meal 

finding my way back to the hospital 

to blame you for i am unable to eat 

to blame,

you 

..

if you don’t get better you will die

..

things to do 

places to be 

i have moved on 

exquisitely 

delicately:  

a non-living-car-accident 

torment of the brain 

an old man in the picture 

on the bed

far away 

a crusted bedroom 

hallway of hope

hallway of memory 

still so, edible

..