september 2024 "all for one and one for all - ill get everything or nothing at all"

prostitution is independence 

relying on other people is a bad idea 

my breasts are heavy and sore so i will make money

..

and when i looked in the mirror in my reflection i saw my mother 

dumbed down to the bone 

with joy on my face 

and i couldn’t be more shocked to see a dumb frown 

that alcohol made me lighter 

so i could sit down on the strip and cry 

so i kept drinking until i could see that look on her face again I’m dumbing myself down 

for love

im dumbing myself down for love 

a foot that has developed into a hand 

an under developed brain 

age regression 

and it feels like i got my teddy bear back 

time keeper 

keep u safe and bored at night

when the wind is warm 

tear

a miser of rats some full some weak some stronger than i 

you better get up 

smash his phone 

carefully place pills and powder deep inside 

me 

im smiling

your hair is falling out 

sorry,

 

please

..

a grand church, sigh 

lazy mind 

breath

its the least you can do 

its the least you can do 

..

its the least you can do 

..

so bored 

so confident 

..

shit sex life 

shit sex 

great life 

..

feel so wasted by the feeling of rape

one can only hope for love in this hell 

seeking out awful terrible

vile

vernal 

situations to feel comfortable, restful, at peace with my mirrors of frightening low self esteem

wanted to save my shit for the love(s) of my life 

would have rather been a whore and not myself let my brain be wiped out 

i really don’t know 

i really can’t remember 

by when i vomit i pray 

and i wish to vomit into your hands 

give me nothing but a stable bed 

to fuck in 

fuck myself up in 

do it outside do it in the toilet 

brown mud 

if love was real i would ave’ taken the dirty opportunity to do it in the street at 3:00pm when children finish school at 3:00pm wish i was in love, having sex with someone who loves me for being dead 

someone who loves me for being sick 

 

..

FORGET IT 

..

need to walk away from it dissociate my brain so i don’t do anything so dumb like go to a bottle shop just go straight home.. so embarrassing. let the memory escape. leave the scene behind. still feel raped want my body back to normal no one around only get use to feeling positive joy w people around me safety not so much illness not so much drugs

..

manifesting sex

Goal$ - learn to ride dick

1. love is the most important, above all 
2. not eating food - transcending through the lowest 
3. money and sex 
4. small child art, drawing the beauty of a child
5. manic episodes on the street vs manic episodes on the bedroom floor
6. forget self, attention to you (infinite being, without ME)
7. one day in=one day out = art 
8. mansion to live in 
9. the desert is a concept created through power play 
10. having sex with people and learning to relaX 
11. making phone calls 
12. privacy in the company of others
13. going down hill
14. spontaneity - in the moment decide what feels right
15. drill into church key locks 
16. lost and forgotten 
17. forgotten and lost child drawing
18. bin money
19. No Known Cure
20. Causes Reasons and Why
21. SIDS

..